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[liveslaughsloves]

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Re: day 220

[bittytorrent]

Doesn't have to be insulting if it's true.

Re: day 220

[liveslaughsloves]

[pinches his cheek]

Re: day 220

[bittytorrent]

Mmmph. Like that.

Re: day 220

[liveslaughsloves]

Okay, baby brat. Tell your senior why you’re askin’ about trust.

Re: day 220

[bittytorrent]

...

I told you. The other me had—has—someone like that. I just wondered if it was... easy for other people, I guess.

Re: day 220

[liveslaughsloves]

…

It’s not easy. I think if I didn’t remember him at least a little to begin with, I’d be runnin’ scared. It’s hard to trust someone who remembers that much about you, that you can’t live up to right.

But…if you’re remembering some lookalike who trusts someone that much, maybe you’ll see how and why that happened? It doesn’t come out of nowhere.

Re: day 220

[bittytorrent]

It's a giant kraken.

Re: day 220

[liveslaughsloves]

Okay, but is it sentient?

Re: day 220

[bittytorrent]

[ nods ]

Re: day 220

[liveslaughsloves]

Then the point stands. If it’s sentient it’s still a people.

Re: day 220

[bittytorrent]

Name's Pride. He's a tiny little octopus sometimes. And he's been in pretty much every vision I've had. Even the library one. I just wasn't sharing POV guy's feelings back then. Ridin' along, like you said.

...

It's not about figuring out where it came from. I think he raised those kids? Pride, and another one called Rapid. It's kind of how I feel about the cats, just... more. Much more. I can't exactly talk to them. But it makes sense.

I just... ugh. Promises don't mean shit on this boat, you know? But I thought: "if there's one thing I can promise forever, it's that I love Acidia. We can die a million times over, and I'll still love Acidia no matter what. This boat can't take that from me."

And then I got to be him.

I realized—it's not just trust. I already knew that was hard for me. But that guy? He loves those kids more than I've ever loved anything.

Re: day 220

[liveslaughsloves]

...

Does it scare you not to be able to love 'em as much as that guy loves his kids?

Re: day 220

[bittytorrent]

...

Yeah. It does. They deserve all the love in the world.

Re: day 220

[liveslaughsloves]

[whew lads the amount of emotional/existential crises he has been talking people through on this boat is a lot now that he thinks about it. he really wishes he had more than four months and three weeks of memories so he didn't feel like a full impostor giving this advice.]

Okay.

I'm gonna say somethin' controversial here. But hear me out for a sec without sassing.

Re: day 220

[bittytorrent]

[ him, sass?

nods again ]

Okay.

Re: day 220

[liveslaughsloves]

It don’t matter that they deserve all the love in the world.

Re: day 220

[bittytorrent]

[ opens his mouth. closes it. there's more, right ]

Re: day 220

[liveslaughsloves]

[yes he’s AU/amnesiac not an entirely different character]

You’re setting yourself up against some ideal in your head. You’re setting yourself up against basically anyone in the world who might be even a little bit better at feeling or talking about feelings than you.

That’s a mistake. You’re you. You’re the one who’s here for your folks, and you’re the one they know and turn to. And ‘less’ love ain’t ‘no’ love.

If you know what it is you’d want to give them in a perfect world, and you’re putting in the work, you’re doing something pretty right. Worst thing you can do is give up just because you ain’t perfect yourself.

Re: day 220

[bittytorrent]

[ quiet a long moment ]

Giving up's the last thing I want to do. I wouldn't do that just because I feel lost and afraid. That guy's better than me, but he's not real.

...so I guess what you're saying isn't that controversial.

Re: day 220

[liveslaughsloves]

Yeah, see? You’re already going where ya need to with it. You just need to be a little less in your own head in the wrong ways over the whole thing.

Re: day 220

[bittytorrent]

[ almost looks like he wants to say more, then just shakes his head ]

You're right. I... I think you're helping because you want to, and not because you feel like you have to, so thanks.

Re: day 220

[liveslaughsloves]

Most people who talk to you don’t have to do anything. Not even the ones you live with, funny enough.

Re: day 220

[bittytorrent]

Hmph. Life sure is a comedy sometimes.

Re: day 220

[liveslaughsloves]

Pipsqueak jokes aside, you’re way too young to be worrying about things always being like this for you. I know that’s like, hard to hear, though.

Re: day 220

[bittytorrent]

...do you think I'm weird?